Empathix cream
Why work hard on a well-rounded character, when you can use Empathix? Rub a generous amount of Empathix over your character’s main features to make them more attractive to readers. Covers up inconsistencies in personality while giving the illusion of intriguing contradictions.
Storyjack
Novel suffering from a sagging middle? Don’t waste time thinking of inventive reversals or increasing conflict to ensure reader engagement. Just place your hydraulic Storyjack under the slack narrative and pump the handle to elevate the problematic portion of your story.
Plotfilla
Gaps in your plot distracting readers? Don’t re-write. Simply use Plotfilla to plug holes caused by unbelievable twists, out-of-character behaviour, and obvious author intrusion. Plotfilla will smooth over even the most noticeable cracks in story logic.
Exposition Disguise
Large info dump to conceal? Why bother working it naturally into your narrative when you can hide it with our distracting Exposition Disguise. Use on all kinds of exposition, from ‘As you know, Bob’ dialogue to clunky flashbacks. Your reader will be laughing too hard at the appearance of these hilarious glasses to be bothered by your awkwardly inserted back story.